I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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