finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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