very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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