looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
