I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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