coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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