Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
