His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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