You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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