My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
