Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
