its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
