tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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