OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
