i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
