I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
