i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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