currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
