last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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