Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
