I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
