dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
