Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
