Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
