MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
