So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm at about main and main street
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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