ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
