Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
