don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
