i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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