I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
