we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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