Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
