dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
