apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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