i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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