i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
