our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
