Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
