I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
