by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
