ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
