so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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