If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
