i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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