tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize