That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
