A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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