grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
