Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Terrible idea I love it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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