AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
