am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
