There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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