I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am naked and annoyed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
