just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
