first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
