don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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