Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Come see our sink grown plant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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