i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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