When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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