i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
