And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize