I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
