Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
