What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
