I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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