Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
