After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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