you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize