I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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