They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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