And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
