Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How does one acquire holy water?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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