this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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