looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
