What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have tasted many bathrooms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
