How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
