I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
