I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
