I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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