i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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