So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Randomize
